This has an ending.

Today my Past Mistakes came to visit me dressed in white sheets. Boo!

Today I looked Redemption in the eye and poked its chest. 


At the rate I'm going, I reckon I'll pull its hair tomorrow.


God, when will I change?

Me: (sings Grenade) ... to give me all your love is all I ever asked..


Sis: (interupts)  TAMAK BETOL. ALL.

Two-Timing 'Failure' & 'Success'.

I have failed so many times in my life that I have come to embrace the lil failure in me. What scares me now is success. Yes, I know it's weird and ridiculous! I crave success yet I fear it. Sometimes it scares me how much faith people have in me. I tear up when they throw words of encouragement my way, but more so when they just sit next to me in silence.. just sit there managing my self-destruction, making sure I only quake, not collapse. 

I need to find a middle ground. A place where Success and Failure don't matter, and Effort is King.

"What  is the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. By that standard, most of us are insane but not at the same time."

- Jacob Moore

I am so upset! Thousands of my tweets are GONE! Sometimes I tweet reminders and notes and they're all freaking GONEEE!!


If Twitter plays High Noon,  it would get an "You just got shat in the head" right about now. 

Stealing is a crime. Intellectual-theft included.

Feeling spiritually naked. MashaAllah. I miss You ya Allah...

Psychology. What was I thinking?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @nashaislem!! woot woot! May Allah bless you with love, happiness, success & strong iman always! & may your unending bubbliness spread more joy to the world ;)

I am the girl with a shovel sewn into her palm.

Aaaaand we're back to being coatracks.

Billie Jean complex - squashed

There are days when I wake up and my mind would immediately go "What time is it? What time is it??" (which is usually accompanied by "aahh why did I sleep? I should have stayed up to do work!").

Yesterday,  I woke up to surah Al-Qari'ah playing in my head. And yes, I was scared. Still am..I believe God was sending me a message.....

Anyway......

 there are always words running around in my head, in different languages, tones, rhythm and rhymes..

Today I woke up with this song in my head...

 

I remember thinking what a way to wake up..

A hauntingly beautiful song to match a beautifully haunting dream. 

At that time I couldn't recall most of my dream..

I just remember that there were 2 of my favourite guys in it. (Nothing kinky, please. haha).

Guy #1 was the first guy whom I thought was the closest to perfection..the closest to my definition of the "Ideal Guy".

Guy #2 is the second guy to fit the bill, except that I thought he IS the Ideal Guy - the real deal. 

In this dream, Guy #1 & #2 were travelling together (which is odd since in reality they do not know each other). But there they were, backpacking through KL together (I don't know why KL of all places). I was there as well, but I was with my family.

I don't remember much of it, but I remember them not acknowledging my existence. I remember feeling ignored. And that was it. End of dream.

Some time in the afternoon while I was in a cab (where I normally do my reflections), it all started to make sense to me.

THAT DREAM WAS MY ANSWER. 

AND THE SONG TOO!

See, not too long ago I confessed to Guy #2 how I felt about him. Conclusion? We decided to use this time to just get to know each other. As I tried hard to cling on to these ideals, I find myself being less and less sure of him being "it". My mind can't see anyone else being a better guy for me, but my heart sensed something was amiss. I asked God for help...

and here we are with a new conclusion..

I guess...You're not it.

You roll like Guy #1...the same guy who packed his bags, travelled out of my life and didn't look back. The two of you are the same person. How did I not see that?

You are not my "person".

My person is still somewhere out there..and so is yours..

or perhaps my person doesn't even exists.. wAllahhu a'alaam.

This feels good. I am sure now.

So I'm moving on..

This doesn't mean that you won't occupy my mind once in a while..

It just means that we're not meant to be..And honestly, I think you know it too.

After years of going back and forth, this is what final looks like ey?

Take care PSM ;)

We have all of the wits, but none of the sparks.
-------------------------------------------------------
EDIT:
I've misinterpreted dreams before. So I won't be surprised if this is one of those times. But I'm going with what I know now. 

allow me to freak out.

I am so stressed out.
My paper is due next friday. The mother of all papers. My baby. My research.
It's incomplete.
There's still a lot to do.
I'm freaking out.
I feel like vomiting.
I feel like crying...
Where do I sit in this corner-less room?

24 + 1

According to the Islamic calendar,


I turned 25 three days ago.


Twenty-five. 


25.


A quarter of a century.


What's going on in my head?


Just a question...


Are you a shrewd, or a fool?


The Prophet pbuh once said:
"The shrewd man is he who masters (or abases) himself and works for what is after death;
the fool is the man who makes himself follow his passions and desires things contrary to the command of God"


I can't say that I am "the shrewd man" because I do things selfishly for worldly reasons, yet I can't say that I am "the fool" because I desire to please God.


I don't have time to muhasabah right now..


yet, i can't seem to be doing anything else but think about this....

I Am Going To Love Reading For Nothing But Pleasure Once Again. Psych Journals Prepare To Take The Backseat.

Note to self

Things to read/check out:


1) Building Social Business - Muhammad Yunus   


2) The World Needs Your Kids - Craig & Marc Kielburger, & Shelley Page


3) Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success - Karl Albrecht 


4) Umm Zakiyyah's Posts
http://www.saudilife.net/life-and-society/92-life-and-society/4778-on-arabized-islam


5) If I Should Speak - Umm Zakiyyah


6) Sana Saeed's blogposts 
http://aristotleslackey.wordpress.com/ 


7) The Upside of Irrationality - Dan Ariely


8) Zeitoun - Dave Eggers


9) Freakonomics - Steven Levitt


10) Azizah Magazine
http://azizahmagazine.com/

11) Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction - Kurt Vonnegut

*buy/borrow 'em.

When the Book wrote me a letter.

I woke up to an email from a book I ordered from Better World Books. Is it odd that I'm excited that a Book wrote me a letter? haha.


Here it goes.

Hello Nomadic Soul,      

             

Holy canasta! It's me... it's me! I can't believe it is actually me! You could have picked any of over 2 million books but you picked me! I've got to get packed! How is the weather where you live? Will I need a dust jacket? I can't believe I'm leaving Mishawaka, Indiana already - the friendly people, the Hummer plant, the Linebacker Lounge - so many memories. I don't have much time to say goodbye to everyone, but it's time to see the world!              

               

I can't wait to meet you! You sound like such a well read person. Although, I have to say, it sure has taken you a while! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but how would you like to spend five months sandwiched between Jane Eyre (drama queen) and Fundamentals of Thermodynamics (pyromaniac)? At least Jane was an upgrade from that stupid book on brewing beer. How many times did the ol' brewmaster have one too many and topple off our shelf at 2am?              

               

I know the trip to meet you will be long and fraught with peril, but after the close calls I've had, I'm ready for anything (besides, some of my best friends are suspense novels). Just five months ago, I thought I was a goner. My owner was moving and couldn't take me with her. I was sure I was landfill bait until I ended up in a Better World Books book drive bin. Thanks to your socially conscious book shopping, I've found a new home. Even better, your book buying dollars are helping kids read from Brazil to Botswana.              

               

But hey, enough about me, I've been asked to brief you on a few things:              

               

We sent your order to the following address:               

               

blabla name. 

blabla address.           

If you have any questions or concerns, please email my friends in Customer Care at help@betterworldbooks.com. 

               

Eagerly awaiting our meeting,              

Book.

I took out some details to protect the identity of both the Book and myself.

We are not meant to be are we?


Sorry I Mosbied you. 


[Edit: It's Mosby'd]

There's just something about the combination of Coldplay's Yellow, Jonsi's Lilikoi and Stomacher's Untitled/Dark Divider that just help put me in the mood to do my work :)




Remember when you used to have readers? heh.