The truth is, I was fine in my Zen bubble and hippie high about my status. I am a 24 year old single girl (I don't know if I'm a woman yet..or am I...?) who does not know the contours of commitmentville, nor has she ever been an explorer there. Her future looks promising. She's about to graduate (God willing), and the world is her ice-cream flavoured oyster.
I was doing just fine until suddenly out of no where news of matrimony come flooding out of the mouths of almost everyone around me. Now don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy that my friends are attached, engaged, married, pregnant and the likes. I am so happy that they're so happy. They deserve all the happiness in the world and if I had some happiness to spare, I'd put it in an envelope, seal it and slowly slide it in my friends' pockets (Malay wedding style). That's how happy I am for them!!
I should have stopped at that feeling => happy. I should have brought my purse filled with full-stops along to each occasion so that I could swiftly take one out and place it next to 'happy'. (<--just like that).
Instead next to 'happy', I found 'spook'. I got spooked!
I got spooked into believing that time is running out for me. If age is a stock market, my value is plummeting by the second! My thoughts went from "there are just no non-fishy fishes out there", to "is there something wrong with me? There is isn't there?", and ended with "Well hey, cats need love too."
So, in that spooktacular state that I was in, I yanked a few chains.
Some I'm proud of and others not so much. Can't really say what they are right now, but you will hear about it eventually.
You know what the worst thing is? No one spooked me.. I spooked myself.
The reality is, I do think about getting married sometimes, but right now I'm not ready yet. What I am ready for is to get to know someone, no games (but I do have to admit that the games do make the process more interesting. Haha. Games lead to the infestation of smiles. Ok bas.) If you know me well, you'd know that this is a HUGE step for me. I'm aiming a tranquilizer dart towards vulnerability. We'll see what happens now..
But hey, seriously.. cats need love too ;)
Regardless of the outcome, I'm still a kayak.
I was doing just fine until suddenly out of no where news of matrimony come flooding out of the mouths of almost everyone around me. Now don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy that my friends are attached, engaged, married, pregnant and the likes. I am so happy that they're so happy. They deserve all the happiness in the world and if I had some happiness to spare, I'd put it in an envelope, seal it and slowly slide it in my friends' pockets (Malay wedding style). That's how happy I am for them!!
I should have stopped at that feeling => happy. I should have brought my purse filled with full-stops along to each occasion so that I could swiftly take one out and place it next to 'happy'. (<--just like that).
Instead next to 'happy', I found 'spook'. I got spooked!
I got spooked into believing that time is running out for me. If age is a stock market, my value is plummeting by the second! My thoughts went from "there are just no non-fishy fishes out there", to "is there something wrong with me? There is isn't there?", and ended with "Well hey, cats need love too."
So, in that spooktacular state that I was in, I yanked a few chains.
Some I'm proud of and others not so much. Can't really say what they are right now, but you will hear about it eventually.
You know what the worst thing is? No one spooked me.. I spooked myself.
The reality is, I do think about getting married sometimes, but right now I'm not ready yet. What I am ready for is to get to know someone, no games (but I do have to admit that the games do make the process more interesting. Haha. Games lead to the infestation of smiles. Ok bas.) If you know me well, you'd know that this is a HUGE step for me. I'm aiming a tranquilizer dart towards vulnerability. We'll see what happens now..
But hey, seriously.. cats need love too ;)
Regardless of the outcome, I'm still a kayak.
No comments:
Post a Comment