[ Journeys Of A Nomadic Soul ]

2011-08-22T00:27:00.001+08:00

Boy does this blog look juvenile or what.

2011-06-21T09:08:00.001+08:00

I miss Writing.

Inspiration, do you miss me?

A Letter To My Potential Self

2011-04-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Potential Self,

I am sorry I put a lot of pressure on you. It is unfair how I expect you to save the world and get dinner ready by 6pm. You are not an underwear-on-the-outside type of person; you're no superhero. You're just a regular Khadijah, looking for her regular Muhammad.

I'm sorry that I keep adding stuff on to the list of things "TO BE". I tease you with the possibility of being a "somebody" and that's cruel.. I see it now. I want you to be the best that you can be so that you can move out of the space you rented in my head and live in the real world. A world where potholes amuse you. A place where your struggles are your assurances that God wants you to meet Him.

Oops, there I go again with my hopes and dreams for you. I hope you know that I'm proud of you and that I love you.

Just promise me that you'd hold onto the rail while looking at the stars.

Lots of love,

Your Actual Self

April Ludgate's wedding vows

2011-04-15T22:33:00.001+08:00

" I guess I kinda hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you.

So, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

<3 aubrey :)

2011-04-04T14:58:00.001+08:00

Dear You,
Aren't you tired yet?
Aren't you tired from all the hiding minus the seeking?
Aren't you tired of being the only character in your book?
Aren't you tired of the monologues and the drafted dialogues?
Aren't you tired sitting by yourself, planning comebacks?
Aren't you tired yet?
I know I am.
I hope you see things my way, dear Body.

Hugs & kisses,
Your Soul.

All about Dynamic Views for Readers - Blogger Help

2011-04-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

All about Dynamic Views for Readers - Blogger Help

A friend emailed me this. Once again, let's polish our akhlaq :)

2011-03-21T20:33:00.001+08:00

Brothers and sisters in Islam,

Several years ago, an Imam from out-of-state accepted a call to a Mosque in Houston, Texas .

Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change.

As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be

wrong to keep it.' Then he thought, 'Oh, forget it,

it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it.

Accept it as a 'gift from ALLAH' and keep quiet.'

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change '

The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the

new Imam in town?'

'Yes' he replied.

'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change.

I'll see you at the mosque.'

When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said,

'Oh ALLAH, I almost sold you for a quarter.'

Our lives are the only Quran some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as Muslims, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry your IMAN on your shoulders when you call yourself
'Muslim.'

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

2011-03-15T02:11:00.001+08:00

oh my God. The most hilarious thing just happened !!

A friend said to me, "يوجد لديكي تعابير جميلة لا يمكن أن نجدها في فتاة أخرى".

Guess what GoogleTranslate said it means?

"There are beautiful expressions of the cock can not be found in another girl"

HAHAHHAHA

Poor guy wanted to make it easy for me to understand so he immediately copied it from GoogleTranslate and pasted it into our conversation.

tak boleh angs!! hahaa. nak muntah and ketawe at the same time! lol.

anyway, i told him to take that English sentence and translate it back to Arabic on GoogleTranslate. i think he's deeply embarrassed. Poor guy. All he wanted to do was to learn English. How dare you GoogleTranslate. Tsk.

Ok, maybe it wasn't "the most hilarious thing", but it is definitely Grade-A material!

This has an ending.

2011-03-12T06:29:00.001+08:00

2011-02-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

Today my Past Mistakes came to visit me dressed in white sheets. Boo!

2011-02-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

Today I looked Redemption in the eye and poked its chest.

At the rate I'm going, I reckon I'll pull its hair tomorrow.

God, when will I change?

2011-02-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

Me: (sings Grenade) ... to give me all your love is all I ever asked..

Sis: (interupts) TAMAK BETOL. ALL.

Two-Timing 'Failure' & 'Success'.

2011-02-07T10:46:00.000+08:00

I have failed so many times in my life that I have come to embrace the lil failure in me. What scares me now is success. Yes, I know it's weird and ridiculous! I crave success yet I fear it. Sometimes it scares me how much faith people have in me. I tear up when they throw words of encouragement my way, but more so when they just sit next to me in silence.. just sit there managing my self-destruction, making sure I only quake, not collapse.

I need to find a middle ground. A place where Success and Failure don't matter, and Effort is King.

2011-02-07T00:54:00.002+08:00

"What is the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. By that standard, most of us are insane but not at the same time."

- Jacob Moore

2011-02-06T21:47:00.000+08:00

I am so upset! Thousands of my tweets are GONE! Sometimes I tweet reminders and notes and they're all freaking GONEEE!!

If Twitter plays High Noon, it would get an "You just got shat in the head" right about now.

Stealing is a crime. Intellectual-theft included.

2011-02-01T09:48:00.000+08:00

Feeling spiritually naked. MashaAllah. I miss You ya Allah...

2011-01-31T21:42:00.003+08:00

2011-01-28T15:29:00.002+08:00

Psychology. What was I thinking?

2011-01-28T09:56:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @nashaislem!! woot woot! May Allah bless you with love, happiness, success & strong iman always! & may your unending bubbliness spread more joy to the world ;)

I am the girl with a shovel sewn into her palm.

2011-01-26T10:19:00.004+08:00

Aaaaand we're back to being coatracks.

2011-01-24T00:19:00.001+08:00

Billie Jean complex - squashed

2011-01-20T23:25:00.009+08:00

There are days when I wake up and my mind would immediately go "What time is it? What time is it??" (which is usually accompanied by "aahh why did I sleep? I should have stayed up to do work!").

Yesterday, I woke up to surah Al-Qari'ah playing in my head. And yes, I was scared. Still am..I believe God was sending me a message.....

Anyway......

there are always words running around in my head, in different languages, tones, rhythm and rhymes..

Today I woke up with this song in my head...

I remember thinking what a way to wake up..

A hauntingly beautiful song to match a beautifully haunting dream.

At that time I couldn't recall most of my dream..

I just remember that there were 2 of my favourite guys in it. (Nothing kinky, please. haha).

Guy #1 was the first guy whom I thought was the closest to perfection..the closest to my definition of the "Ideal Guy".

Guy #2 is the second guy to fit the bill, except that I thought he IS the Ideal Guy - the real deal.

In this dream, Guy #1 & #2 were travelling together (which is odd since in reality they do not know each other). But there they were, backpacking through KL together (I don't know why KL of all places). I was there as well, but I was with my family.

I don't remember much of it, but I remember them not acknowledging my existence. I remember feeling ignored. And that was it. End of dream.

Some time in the afternoon while I was in a cab (where I normally do my reflections), it all started to make sense to me.

THAT DREAM WAS MY ANSWER.

AND THE SONG TOO!

See, not too long ago I confessed to Guy #2 how I felt about him. Conclusion? We decided to use this time to just get to know each other. As I tried hard to cling on to these ideals, I find myself being less and less sure of him being "it". My mind can't see anyone else being a better guy for me, but my heart sensed something was amiss. I asked God for help...

and here we are with a new conclusion..

I guess...You're not it.

You roll like Guy #1...the same guy who packed his bags, travelled out of my life and didn't look back. The two of you are the same person. How did I not see that?

You are not my "person".

My person is still somewhere out there..and so is yours..

or perhaps my person doesn't even exists.. wAllahhu a'alaam.

This feels good. I am sure now.

So I'm moving on..

This doesn't mean that you won't occupy my mind once in a while..

It just means that we're not meant to be..And honestly, I think you know it too.

After years of going back and forth, this is what final looks like ey?

Take care PSM ;)

We have all of the wits, but none of the sparks.
-------------------------------------------------------
EDIT:
I've misinterpreted dreams before. So I won't be surprised if this is one of those times. But I'm going with what I know now.

allow me to freak out.

2011-01-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

I am so stressed out.
My paper is due next friday. The mother of all papers. My baby. My research.
It's incomplete.
There's still a lot to do.
I'm freaking out.
I feel like vomiting.
I feel like crying...
Where do I sit in this corner-less room?

24 + 1

2011-01-19T13:18:00.000+08:00

According to the Islamic calendar,

I turned 25 three days ago.

Twenty-five.

25.

A quarter of a century.

What's going on in my head?

Just a question...

Are you a shrewd, or a fool?

The Prophet pbuh once said:
"The shrewd man is he who masters (or abases) himself and works for what is after death;
the fool is the man who makes himself follow his passions and desires things contrary to the command of God"

I can't say that I am "the shrewd man" because I do things selfishly for worldly reasons, yet I can't say that I am "the fool" because I desire to please God.

I don't have time to muhasabah right now..

yet, i can't seem to be doing anything else but think about this....

I Am Going To Love Reading For Nothing But Pleasure Once Again. Psych Journals Prepare To Take The Backseat.

2011-01-15T19:12:00.006+08:00

Note to self

Things to read/check out:

1) Building Social Business - Muhammad Yunus

2) The World Needs Your Kids - Craig & Marc Kielburger, & Shelley Page

3) Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success - Karl Albrecht

4) Umm Zakiyyah's Posts
http://www.saudilife.net/life-and-society/92-life-and-society/4778-on-arabized-islam

5) If I Should Speak - Umm Zakiyyah

6) Sana Saeed's blogposts
http://aristotleslackey.wordpress.com/

7) The Upside of Irrationality - Dan Ariely

8) Zeitoun - Dave Eggers

9) Freakonomics - Steven Levitt

10) Azizah Magazine
http://azizahmagazine.com/

11) Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction - Kurt Vonnegut

*buy/borrow 'em.

When the Book wrote me a letter.

2011-01-13T09:08:00.003+08:00

I woke up to an email from a book I ordered from Better World Books. Is it odd that I'm excited that a Book wrote me a letter? haha.

Here it goes.

Hello Nomadic Soul,

Holy canasta! It's me... it's me! I can't believe it is actually me! You could have picked any of over 2 million books but you picked me! I've got to get packed! How is the weather where you live? Will I need a dust jacket? I can't believe I'm leaving Mishawaka, Indiana already - the friendly people, the Hummer plant, the Linebacker Lounge - so many memories. I don't have much time to say goodbye to everyone, but it's time to see the world!

I can't wait to meet you! You sound like such a well read person. Although, I have to say, it sure has taken you a while! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but how would you like to spend five months sandwiched between Jane Eyre (drama queen) and Fundamentals of Thermodynamics (pyromaniac)? At least Jane was an upgrade from that stupid book on brewing beer. How many times did the ol' brewmaster have one too many and topple off our shelf at 2am?

I know the trip to meet you will be long and fraught with peril, but after the close calls I've had, I'm ready for anything (besides, some of my best friends are suspense novels). Just five months ago, I thought I was a goner. My owner was moving and couldn't take me with her. I was sure I was landfill bait until I ended up in a Better World Books book drive bin. Thanks to your socially conscious book shopping, I've found a new home. Even better, your book buying dollars are helping kids read from Brazil to Botswana.

But hey, enough about me, I've been asked to brief you on a few things:

We sent your order to the following address:

blabla name.

blabla address.

If you have any questions or concerns, please email my friends in Customer Care at help@betterworldbooks.com.

Eagerly awaiting our meeting,

Book.

I took out some details to protect the identity of both the Book and myself.

2011-01-09T23:32:00.005+08:00

We are not meant to be are we?

Sorry I Mosbied you.

[Edit: It's Mosby'd]

2011-01-07T01:03:00.002+08:00

There's just something about the combination of Coldplay's Yellow, Jonsi's Lilikoi and Stomacher's Untitled/Dark Divider that just help put me in the mood to do my work :)

Remember when you used to have readers? heh.

2011-01-03T19:29:00.002+08:00

Run.

2011-01-02T11:40:00.000+08:00

It's odd how the thing that I fear won't happen is now the thing that I fear will happen.

What was I thinking?

I am not ready.

I am not ready.

Wo لم mahu shaadi yet.

2010-12-29T00:08:00.006+08:00

I have to admit, the last post is what cryptic looks like when it's married to trash.

The truth is, I was fine in my Zen bubble and hippie high about my status. I am a 24 year old single girl (I don't know if I'm a woman yet..or am I...?) who does not know the contours of commitmentville, nor has she ever been an explorer there. Her future looks promising. She's about to graduate (God willing), and the world is her ice-cream flavoured oyster.

I was doing just fine until suddenly out of no where news of matrimony come flooding out of the mouths of almost everyone around me. Now don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy that my friends are attached, engaged, married, pregnant and the likes. I am so happy that they're so happy. They deserve all the happiness in the world and if I had some happiness to spare, I'd put it in an envelope, seal it and slowly slide it in my friends' pockets (Malay wedding style). That's how happy I am for them!!

I should have stopped at that feeling => happy. I should have brought my purse filled with full-stops along to each occasion so that I could swiftly take one out and place it next to 'happy'. (<--just like that).

Instead next to 'happy', I found 'spook'. I got spooked!

I got spooked into believing that time is running out for me. If age is a stock market, my value is plummeting by the second! My thoughts went from "there are just no non-fishy fishes out there", to "is there something wrong with me? There is isn't there?", and ended with "Well hey, cats need love too."

So, in that spooktacular state that I was in, I yanked a few chains.

Some I'm proud of and others not so much. Can't really say what they are right now, but you will hear about it eventually.

You know what the worst thing is? No one spooked me.. I spooked myself.

The reality is, I do think about getting married sometimes, but right now I'm not ready yet. What I am ready for is to get to know someone, no games (but I do have to admit that the games do make the process more interesting. Haha. Games lead to the infestation of smiles. Ok bas.) If you know me well, you'd know that this is a HUGE step for me. I'm aiming a tranquilizer dart towards vulnerability. We'll see what happens now..

But hey, seriously.. cats need love too ;)

Regardless of the outcome, I'm still a kayak.

2010-12-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

“How close are you to this guy (#1)?”

That simple question befuddled me.

I..don’t know the answer to that..question..

Nay.

I do know the answer.

We are not close at all.

So how did I come to the conclusion that he’s my ideal guy? Or that he’s “IT”? How did I get there?

Then..

I chanced upon an episode of How I Met Your Mother.

In this episode, Robin called Ted an ‘I-Love-You’ Slut because he was the type who says ‘I love you’ so easily and frequently. Now, I’ve watched this episode plenty of times, and that message must have slipped my mind each time cos it only made sense these last few days.

I am just like Ted.

Except... I’m an “I-Think-You’re-Perfect-For-Me” Slut.

This has happened before...twice.

Previously I had actually thought that two other people were my ideal guy (#2 & #3). Well, all 3 of them do/did have similar characteristics....you know.. my “template”: Indian-ish, smart, funny and geeky.

So what does this mean? Does it mean that I don’t think he’s my ideal guy? Did I imagine he (#1) is my “person”? My “IT”?

I don’t know.... I really don’t.

2010-12-12T17:52:00.001+08:00

2010 is a sham.

I didn't get anything I wanted!!

But I did get everything I needed.

Well..

maybe it isn't a sham after all, heh :)

Happy New Year, Soul!

2010-12-07T04:09:00.001+08:00

I feel like I owe you an apology.

Yesterday I learnt a very valuable lesson on the-world-does-not-revolve-around-you-you-silly-girl.

It's nice to have the rug pulled out under you once in a while. That's what makes life wondrous.

While I was face down on the floor, I realised the great irony of describing you as "perfect". You may have been a man who has his mind, body and soul in tuxedos, and you may have made me want to dress my mind, body and soul in white gowns too, but the problem is.. you don't want me to. Your imperfection is that you don't care about me they way I think I care about you. The imperfection in me is that I put the words "I think" in front of "I care about you".

So.. In God's Hands we shall rest.

I'll eat rainbows for breakfast, lunch and dinner to heal whatever's left of this disappointment.

If you're not mine, then I sincerely hope you'll find yours.

Love,

Just a person, not necessarily yours.

The Heart Is A Chicken

2010-12-03T10:07:00.002+08:00

"Upsilamba! Do you know what that means?"

That was the question I wanted to ask you. That was the beginning of what I hoped would turn out to be a beautiful ending.

But as I sit there watching you churn out words of blissful ignorance I found myself taking the form of a chicken. "Chicken-out. Just chicken-out, kay?" I tried to convince myself that you're not "IT".

Forget what I said before. Forget all those love-letters I wrote in my head. Forget all the loving gazes and sweet smiles I practiced for you. Forget them all.

Forget them all..

Because it doesn't matter..

I don't want to "grow" on you.
I don't want to be a "consideration",
I want to be a thought in your head.

So away with all these ifs!

Dear "smart, funny, slightly geeky" one,

I'm sorry you didn't realise that I was describing you.

Perhaps that was my cue, ey?

Till then, when you wish to pour your heart out,

make sure that the glass you're filling is half-filled.

Pouring your heart into an empty glass courts unrequitedness.

Love,

The girl who divided her heart for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

you, you and you.

2010-11-16T12:56:00.005+08:00

Dear Self,

I want you to know that your life can indeed turn out differently. You just need to want it. From the looks of your choices these days, you don’t seem to want this spiritual uplift. You’ve satisfied every other hunger, why not satisfy your hunger for enlightenment too? My only question to you is, do you have what it takes to change? No, no. That is not the question, that is a challenge. BE the change. Be the YOU you want to be.

Lots of love,

Your calm self

I wrote this a long time ago. Sadly nothing has been done since then.

2010 started out great! The middle was icky and depressing. I want to end this year with a BANG! So here goes..

"Time Tested Beauty Tips"

2010-11-15T19:05:00.006+08:00

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things,

have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand,

you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older,

you will discover that you have two hands,

one for helping yourself,

the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,

the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

because that is the doorway to her heart,

the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,

but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,

the passion that she shows,

and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

-Sam Levenson

2010-11-09T03:49:00.000+08:00

In case you were wondering, I do miss you.

I'll see you in a couple of years.. when you're sober.

Till then, don't forget to sharpen your wit.

Lots of love,
your person.

Sleep-Living

2010-10-08T15:18:00.004+08:00

Last night/this morning, I dreamt that I was spending time with an anonymous person. He/She invited me to do something fun (I can’t remember what but I’m sure it was some sports activity).

Me: Hmm maybe I’ll do that on my birthday. I like to do new things on my birthday.

He/She: When’s your birthday?

Me: 15th

He/She: Today IS the 15th...

Me: (panic in the darkness of the night)

I remember wondering where time went. Why wasn’t I aware of the date? How did this happened?... I missed my birthday.

I woke up.

I’m sure I was awake but my eyelids were still draped over my pupil and iris. Thoughts were competing against each other in my head, fighting for my attention. What are you doing with your life? When God asks you what happened in 2010, what are you going to say? How do I tell Him that I gave up on a lot of things that year. One year...One whole year.. 365.25 days. 8766 hours. 525960 minutes. 31,557,600 seconds. What have you done?

Who is this person?

I don’t recognise myself anymore.

Who am I?

My heart’s in trouble since I installed revolving doors.

I can’t live this way anymore.

But I don’t know what to do.

When life ends, I don’t want to be saying, “I missed my whole existence”.

I know 2010 isn’t over, but I feel suffocated. God never gives anyone anything he can’t handle. Yeah, well. I feel like I chose the wrong method to handle my life..and I keep choosing the same thing out of habit. Right now I’m staring at a quote on my wall: “Verily through remembrance of God, hearts find rest”. That, that’s my solution right?

~~Someone please save me from myself...~~

Un-grey me if you can.

2010-09-30T10:36:00.004+08:00

“When we say things like “people don’t change”, it drives scientists crazy. Because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy, matter, it’s always changing.. morphing.. merging.. growing.. dying. It’s the way that people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that’s up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment we can be born all over again.”

- Meredith Grey

2010-09-07T11:27:00.002+08:00

2010-08-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

" ... smile! I miss ur smile. (:"

That made me smile :)

Love you, miss you, hope to see you soon.

2010-07-26T00:21:00.000+08:00

I have to believe that you are indeed there. Yes, I’ll work on myself, so that when we finally meet, I won't doubt that I’m worthy of you.

Looking forward to meet you, Mr. RightForMe.

Love,
your person.

2010-07-19T12:48:00.002+08:00

I just HAVE to do this...

THINGS TO DO AFTER I GRADUATE:
1. Travel
2. rock-climb
3. learn French and re-learn Arabic!
4. SWIM once a week!
5. join a marathon
6. learn how to play the guitar well!
7. pilates class (like a serious one)
8. KRAV MAGA!
9. kick some ass!

ok, end of distraction.

[Edit:
10. Devote time to Red Change
11. Join UNAS! or better yet, join UNIFEM!]

Will you entertain my questions just this one time?

2010-07-12T21:04:00.003+08:00

I am beyond frustrated right now. I want to tear my hair from my scalp, throw it to the ground, stomp on it, throw fire into it and watch it burn.
I have so many things to do but I'm doing nothing.
I feel like I can't move.
I can't think 10 steps ahead cos I'm at step 0.5.
What is wrong with me?
Why is this happening?
Why?

whattodo, whattodo?

2010-07-09T09:59:00.002+08:00

p.s. I have two blogs. I don’t know what to do with the other one. I’ve had a it for a while now. Wrote one entry on it, Nov 2008. whattodo whattodo?

http://journeysofanomadicsoul.blogspot.com/

in the name of cynicism.

2010-07-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

I remember perfectly how we spat in our palms, shook each other’s hands, and declared us friends. You went from a “nyeh” to a “whoa” to an “ugh” before you vanished into thin air, figuratively (I wish literally, but hey, we don’t always get what we want, ey?). I let you go, I called you names, and then I found you at my doorsteps again.

Every single minute that we were apart, you grew wiser. How do I close this door on you? You are now, everything, and i really mean EVERYTHING I want in a guy. You don’t lack drive like him (no.1), your back is not warm from your own patting like him (no.2), but most importantly, your mouth don’t sail like his (him no.3). Why did you return with your body, mind and soul in tuxedos?

Oh wait a minute..

You didn’t “return”. In fact, you weren’t even at my doorsteps. You just happened to walk by as I was opening the doors to my heart.

I was fine with the knowledge that there is no such thing as the perfect guy. Why did you have to ruin it? I was healthily living in ignorance.

And now, your presence stupefy me. My words are clumsy. I punctuate my sentences with clumsy. clumsy clumsy clumsy. It’s not even Fergie’s version of clumsy - sexy clumsy. Or Park Gae In’s version of clumsy - cute clumsy. My clumsy is the kind of clumsy faces go blank for - eraser clumsy.

My mind keeps lingering back to the time we were at the bus stop..how we were both clumsy in our words, gazes and gestures.. I guess I’m just not your “it”, ey?

I know you don’t read this, but I just wanted to write it anyway. Just in case..

Love,

Your Clumsy Girl.

2010-07-05T20:38:00.001+08:00

Why do I feel like I'm losing all my friends....?

Such a lonely lonely business. Oh the irony.

2010-07-03T02:54:00.002+08:00

Tonight we cry cos we were wrong. I'm so sorry.

2010-07-03T02:52:00.000+08:00

Dear Bloggie,

I've missed you. You are my Neverland. I'm a nomadic soul, my flip-flopping behaviour should be expected. Anyway, I just wanted to write this short love letter to you. Hope you missed me too.

Hugs and kisses,
your no.1 fan.

Sometimes my lines have no in-betweens.

2010-04-24T14:59:00.001+08:00

http://dirtyfacedbelle.tumblr.com/

yes, I've conformed.

Tidying up the Mind, Body & Soul. (maybe)

2010-04-11T21:18:00.002+08:00

I could talk about Monday. I could talk about how I sat among awesome friends who use phrases like “emotional blackmail” to which I responded with phrases like “emotional terrorism”.

I could talk about Tuesday. I could talk about how a bird pooped on me while I was on my way home...how ironic and peculiar it was cos at that point of time, I was singing “today was a fairytale..” in my head.

I could talk about Wednesday. I could talk about how this sandwiched-day put me in pickles with my relatives..How I believe quitting will allow me to climb up the ladder rather than being forced to climb down in this Snake & Ladder game we call life.

I could talk about Thursday. I could talk about how I sat in class amazed at how little I know about how the world works..so so little.

I could talk about Friday. I could talk about how rain & I made up.. That we’re in love with each other again..talk about how it drenched me with kisses..how it made me smile at the jokes it made in forms of puddles.

I could talk about any of these days..but my stubborn heart wants to talk about Saturday. It wants to tell the world how my Worries are now knee high.. And Loneliness are swimming in it..nibbling Strength, my knees. Oh, and the Ducks. They swam around me, charmed me with their quacks, and then off they flew. I hate them, I hate them so. No...I love them, I love them so. My heart paid Adele to sing in its left ventricle..polluting any form of positivity the lungs may bring. “..and I hear your words that I made up..you say my name like there could be an “us”.. I best tidy up my head I’m the only one..in love..I’m the only one in love...”. But....But.... It’s not you I want. It’s not you I need. I need and want nothing and no one. That..that right there is my problem. Go away, ants. Go away, flowers.

Till then, put your hearts in ovens. They belong there.

Love,

Miss Cynical Not-Really

Don’t worry, Love. I still believe in you :)

Heart, the mediator.

2010-03-30T11:06:00.002+08:00

Dear Body,

I know I haven’t been much of a friend lately, and I’m sorry. I know that some parts of you are hurt but I haven’t quite asked the Mind to take you to the doctor. I know what you’re thinking now Body, you’re thinking that some of the hurt that you’re feeling aren’t curable by means of drugs. I apologise for that ‘cause that’s my doing. I will come out of this stupor soon, I swear.

Love,

Your Soul

I hope your words will eat you whole.

The simplicity of this message kills..

2010-03-24T12:31:00.001+08:00

I met a bear and fell in love with him. He said, “I’m no teddy bear”. I said, “sure”. I "accidentally" knocked his teeth out, and still he said, “I’m no teddy bear”. I said, “of course you’re not”. While he was sleeping, I cut his nails, and the next morning, he looked my way and said, “I’m no teddy bear”. I nodded reassuringly. All day, he sat in his chair looking out to the forest. I watched him watch the forest. That night, wolves bit and scratched him. He died. I now sit in his chair with his teeth and his nails in my hand. “Goodbye my teddy bear,” I muttered.

Rumble, tumble, jumble. You are my jungle.

Blink At Your Own Risk.

2010-03-15T12:58:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning and the world was bursting with colors. Birds were chirping in my head. Squirrel and rabbits were running trying to catch up with me. It was like a scene from Snow White minus the 7 dwarfs. Edith Piaf was singing, Les Paul was on the guitar, Flea on bass, Longineu W. Parsons III on drums, Alicia Keys on piano, and Lady Gaga was, well, being Lady Gaga. They were playing a song that made sense to me and my imagination (epic fail in reality tho). Life hearts me and I heart Life back!

but then..

An ant named Worry crawled its six-legged self into my heart. It has no venom, but its nibbles are bruising my heart. “Somebody pass me the insecticide!” was all I could muster seeing that I was confused.. nonplussed.. clueless.. perplexed.. flummoxed.. puzzled.. baffled.. muddled.. bewildered.. bemused.. fazed.. disconcerted.. dumbfounded.. mystified.. discombobulate. (Thank you, Mr. Thesaurus). What happened? I flicked the ant off. It fell to the ground, raise one of its tiny leg in a fist-in-the-air-like manner, indicating that it’s not done chewing my heart out. “Run along, Worry!” I yelled. Worry, the ant, put on its armor and marched back to its motherland called UnwantedFeelings. So now I’m left mending the bruise with kisses..

Welcome back, creativity :) [Alhamdulillah!]

Till then, when you lack the words to express how you feel (or you want to unnecessarily dramatise it), consult Mr.Thesaurus.

Love,

Life Lover.

Time to leave the playground.

No skills, no frills, no thrills.

2010-03-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

The balloon idea didn't work.
The candle idea didn't work.
The tampera paint idea didn't work.
I'm not sure how this Sunday's shoot gonna work.

And I'm bloody broke.
Thank you talentless self!

When the Experiment outsmarts the Experimenter, clouds laugh.

2010-03-01T00:22:00.005+08:00

So the closing date for Pameran Poskad is nearing! I have a lot of ideas, especially political ones, but I don’t know how to go about doing them cos I need people and things that I don’t know if I can get! For once missy, think small. think small. How do you ask a mind that talks in different accents each minute to “think small”? That’s like asking a terrorist to believe in God (Yes, I said it): IMPOSSIBLE *says it in a French accent*. And no, I’m not assimilating my “mind” to a “terrorist”. haha. Apples need to contest Oranges. Anyway, first I tried taking pictures of this balloon concept whatchamacallit which didn’t work as well as I thought it would. The balloons were like lollipops to the Wind. The Wind keeps liking the balloons till there were only two tiny balloons left. Helium is just the Wind’s favourite flavor. So will probably redo the thing at a diff location. Anyone knows a venue with actual red brick walls in the background?

While I was figuring out what other concepts I can work with, I realised that I’m obsessed with “muse” (the word, not the band). I think everyone should be somebody’s muse. And everyone should have a muse as well. Do you have yours? I have mine....Can I be yours?

Aluminum foil love letters are the best kind of love letters.

2010-02-25T00:39:00.000+08:00

Go 'way from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I'm not the one you need.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Never weak but always strong,
To protect you an' defend you
Whether you are right or wrong,
Someone to open each and every door,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I will only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who will promise never to part,
Someone to close his eyes for you,
Someone to close his heart,
Someone who will die for you an' more,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go melt back into the night, babe,
Everything inside is made of stone.
There's nothing in here moving
An' anyway I'm not alone.
You say you're looking for someone
Who'll pick you up each time you fall,
To gather flowers constantly
An' to come each time you call,
A lover for your life an' nothing more,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

(Written by Bob Dylan)

3 Tales of 3 Somebodies/Nobodies In My Life

2010-02-23T23:01:00.007+08:00

I lack the right words to express how I feel, so these people from these shows arranged them for me.

Parks and Recreation

Leslie: My boyfriend is a lawyer. And he’s smart and interesting, and there is a lot about him that I like, but he acted out like a jerk today. I don’t know, there’s something about the way he treats people, or something.

Ron: He’s a tourist. He vacations in people’s lives, takes pictures, puts them in a scrapbook and moves on. All he’s interested in are stories. Basically Leslie, he’s selfish.

Grey’s Anatomy

Teddy: I said that I love you and it’s out there. And I know that I can’t unring the bell, but I’m unringing the bell. I’m taking it back...I miss my friend Owen more than anything, I miss my friend. The rest I can deal with. I can deal with. I have a job that I love and an amazing student (Christina) to teach. And I’ve got a cottage with deer and a fish and various wax body parts. I’m gonna be fine! You and I are going to be fine.

Owen: You can’t unring the bell

Teddy: I know, but I’m gonna try like hell.

Private Practice

Little Maya: ...because Daddy, you are my "anyway friend". An "anyway friend" is that one person in your life who no matter what they say or do, no matter what they’ve been through with you, they love you anyway.

I wish I want more from you, but I don't.

Im sorry but you’re the wrong amount of goof.

My Amateur Attempt To Get Back To Poetry Writing.

2010-02-17T00:53:00.003+08:00

Double-click on the image to read.

Alert! This is an emotional coup. Prepare to love, or be loved.

2010-02-16T23:55:00.002+08:00

You and I, we’re like Dylan and Baez.

Playground Poem

2010-02-14T00:06:00.002+08:00

As promised, this one's for you Oatmeal.

"Copycat kiss the rat,

Go home let your mother slap,

Father say: go and die

Mother say: kiss your husband or your wife"

There you have it. Playground poem. hahhahahahhahah. I still cant believe you tried to memorise it. Well now you have this as your reference. You're welcome. haha.

2010-02-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

I love EVERY single irony in this video. See if you can spot them! :)

Don't Rain On My Parade

2010-02-13T22:27:00.009+08:00

This is how I feel about my life right now :)

It's not just the words, it's the way Lea sang it with her facial expression and all!

[Just the song, no performance by Lea cos Fox Channel is lokek]

That's right, no "raining" on my parade.

Till then, if life hands you a gun, look it in its eyes and say "I see you". (hahah)

Love,

Leaper.

"No fear. No envy. No meanness." said the drunken Liam Clancy to Bobby Dylan.

Words don’t talk, they act.

2010-02-12T12:41:00.004+08:00

I haven’t had much to say lately. True enough, some blue-collared word initiated chaos since I last wrote. Muse was kidnapped and then abandoned. Infatuation kicked Love on its shin. Smug smirked at Smile. Pause murdered History to stop itself from repeating. Chance hoped. Hope waited for Chance to arrive. Mystery and Fantasy got into a bar-fight. Reality had an epiphany. Regret slew Fan, Realisation slapped Regret, and suddenly Aha! entered the room with a bat. Wrong and Misinterpretation scratched each other’s heads while in a staring-contest. In the end, the only one word that’s left standing, untouched and unfazed, is: Silence. Not the peaceful kind. Not the calm kind. No, it’s the kind of silence one goes through not before, nor during, rather after the storm. So that’s why I haven’t had much to say. Just silence in my head. Not even crickets.

On an ABSOLUTELY UNRELATED note, I was in a bus the other day and I day-dreamed about being a vegetarian (dreaming about being a vegan seemed too nightmarish, so I went with being vegetarian instead). I thought of the meals I could cook, how they’d be SO easy. [This was what went on in my head]: And OH the shopping I could do! I love vegetable shopping bla bla bla..colourful food! bla bla bla bla healthy and organic bla bla bla bla i’ll have more energy bla bla bla beans can be a good subsitute for fish bla bla bla WHAT IS THAT I SMELL?? SOMEBODY BOUGHT FRIED CHICKEN??? FRIED CHICKEN!! OMG!

Tuesday, 7.20 pm (ish) - That was the time of death of my vegetarian ambition. haha. Gosh...i can’t go vegetarian..i’d miss chicken too much.............and beef! Mutton, I don’t care too much about, and fish too.

However, I DID buy a lot of veggies that day. They’re just sooo colourful! (insert stare here).

Till then, don’t mix up your greens. Sometimes green means money, sometimes green means veggies, sometimes green means nature, sometimes green means envy, sometimes green means puke. Just don’t mix them up ok, folks?

Love,

S.B.Z

Would you do the honors of being my #1 fan?

His name is Boonaa.

2010-02-03T03:44:00.006+08:00

Hilarious Poet :)

He is insanely mind-blowing!

His name is Boonaa Mohammed, my current ~~muse~~ ~~inspiration~~ ~~muse~~ inspiration. Yes.

Love,

Sawyer.

"you're never ready for what you have to do, you just do it. that makes you ready" - from Sybil

Oh if only words can talk.

2010-01-25T02:54:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had too many words in your head but none at the tip of your tongue? it's like some words had its skirt hiked and some words had its pants down to create more baby words who will then mingle with other words and BAM!, more little words running around in your head. Those very words refuse to slide down your throat to visit the tongue when the mouth needs them the most. Instead, they send in pseudo words to run such errands. Thus came "um" "err" "aah" down your throat, slides right off the tongue and into the thin air.

Right now "um" "err" and "aah" are in sync with my breath. I don't know what to say, what not to say, how to say what I'm supposed to say, and how not to say what I'm not supposed to say. So, I'm going to go off on a word-vacation. I'm going to let these words run loose in my head without indulging in a conversation with any of them, all the while hoping that some blue-collared word will start a riot. I'll see/talk/watch/smell/hear you when I can form better sentences, and when my heart can walk in a straight line.

Till then, pseudo-miss me when I'm gone, kay?

Love,

Ben's Belle.

Oh what I would do to be your muse.

Truth Schmruth

2010-01-25T01:12:00.003+08:00

John Clayton Mayer. My oh my. He’s creating buzz over his Rolling Stone interview. You know how they say the truth sets you free. Well, that’s not always accurate. John let the bald cat out of the bag. So bald you can see its wrinkles. And people smiled, laughed, gasped, covered their mouths, picked up their jaws from the floor from time to time, muttered doubleyouteeheigh (wth), some muttered doubleyouteeeff (wtf) [hey, whatever rocks your boat], reread lines to make sure he said what he did, google more on him, fall in love with him, despise him..and the list goes on. (Hey people react in a number of ways, how on earth should I know each and every reaction? haha). I’m going to let you guys explore what he revealed in the interview yourself.
[suggestion: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/19/john-mayer-on-jennifer-an_n_429121.html]

So now the question is, how did I react? I laughed at his idea of humor (that some mistake for actual facts), feel sad that he’s heartbroken, feel warm and fuzzy cos i mean come on, he’s a crooner. But let’s face it, he sabotaged his image. Basically, he handed everyone a grenade to throw his way whenever he wears his masochistic jacket out. He’s not even trying to reach for the “Man-whore” label pasted on his back. In fact, he bought the “label” a new pair of shades.

After saying “John Clayton Mayer, my oh my” a lot of times, I came across his tweets: “Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I’m still not sure if I would want to hang out with me” and “After 30 minutes of twirling my hair into a knot, I say “fuck it.” You can’t go wrong if you tell the truth.”

Call me biased but, I agree! You can’t go wrong if you tell the truth. Of course, what’s more important is HOW you deliver that truth. Cos telling the truth is not all that important when Ego is doing the evil-muahaha-laugh next to you. Telling the truth is not all that important when you’re hoping that the person you’re being truthful to will lie to you just to "balance" things off. Telling the truth is not all that important when your grand master plan is to run after you leap. Nope, telling the truth can’t go wrong if it comes from the arms of your heart (I don’t know about you, but my heart has arms. That’s right.).

I think it's clear that this entry is really just me talking to myself. Almost like an inside joke. hahhh.

Till then, blame not the Truth for Reality's doings. Blame not Love nor Time for an untouched heart. Blame has no place in your life nor do you have a place in its life.

Love,
Ben’s Belle.

I’m sorry I jumped. I thought you’d jump with me.

2010-01-21T15:44:00.006+08:00

You know how everyone has their own musical guilty pleasures? For some, it’s Spice Girls (Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want). For others it’s Shaggy’s Mr.Bombastic (She calls me Mr.Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me in my back she say I’m Mr. Ro...mantic). And then there are the Ross Gellers whose musical guilty pleasure is Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back (I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny). Basically, EVERYONE has an MGP.

Mine just happens to be Selena Gomez’s Naturally. It has been stuck in my mind since last night (it was right after Scarlett Johansson & Pete Yorn retired performing ‘Relator’ in my brain’s version of the Madison Square Garden) !

(lyrics)

How you choose to express yourself

It's all your own and I can tell

It comes naturally, it comes naturally

You follow what you feel inside

It's intuitive, you don't have to try

It comes naturally, mmmm it comes naturally

And it takes my breath away

You are the thunder and I am the lightning

And I love the way you know who you are

And to me it's exciting

When you know it’s meant to be

Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally

When you're with me, baby

You have a way of moving me

A force of nature, your energy

It comes naturally (You know it does)

It comes naturally

Mmmm yeah

And it takes my breath away (Everytime)

What you do, so naturally

When we collide, sparks fly

When you look in my eyes, it takes my breath away.

I guess this song being stuck in my head is not so much of a coincidence as it is a reality-check. It’s ironic that she sings about how everything comes naturally when she’s with this person, and yet when I listen to the words in the song and I apply it to our situation, what I get from it is that we might not be meant for each other. Cos if we’re meant to be, then everything would come naturally, no?

So, YES Mother Nature, I get what you mean. He and I are not meant to be. To be honest, I’m surprisingly fine with it (yes, “fine” not “ok”/”good”/”great”. Hey, a girl’s got to grieve no matter how wise she may seem. haha). Just as much as you can’t put words in people’s mouth, you can’t put feelings in their hearts either. Hah. Growing up is SO much fun. (In case you can’t tell, that phrase is 70% contentment, 25% condescension, and 5% i-dont-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on-so-i’m-just-going-to-nod)

Till then, when a girl gives you a glass message in a paper bottle, it means she likes you, dumbass. (pardon my french. haha)

Love,

Little Miss Grown-Up.

I’ve been wrong before. So if I am wrong now, please blink twice.

I have a thing for punctuations.

2010-01-19T16:03:00.002+08:00

Full-stop and I have this intense love affair.

Yet we never fail to tick each other off.

Full-stop intentionally sabotage the explorer in me

And I purposely date exclamation-mark to express my contempt.

Full-stop makes me feel safe and less vulnerable, but it’s hindering my growth

In case you don’t live in my mind, do not speak its language and know its lingo... “I” am myself, “Full-stop” is my defense mechanism, and “Exclamation-mark” is my frustration.

Love,

Silly Girl.

You threw a Full-Stop my way,
I throw an Exclamation-Mark your way,
Now we’re both cuffed in Question-Mark’s cell.

I Am Tabula Rasa -ish

2010-01-18T09:55:00.005+08:00

I am a blank paper. People talk and their words attach themselves onto my paper. Other people read my paper and think, "hey, i've read/heard that somewhere before". Then I (the blank paper filled with other people's words) could not defend myself despite my hands being ink-free. I cry/laugh at the death of originality. But Originality laughed louder than me, even in its grave. Because I'm still the blank paper filled with other people's words.

I need a distraction, so tag, you’re it!

2010-01-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

Currently studying at McD with my sis.

sis: so sleepyyy!

me: (points at coffee. encouraging her to drink)

sis: seems so scary

me: welcome to the real world

sis: you mean all these while i’ve been living with ponies???

me: (pauses) are you calling me a pony?

sis: (laughs, drinks coffee) I’m too young to drink coffee.

you’re never too young to trick your neurotransmitters, my friends.

ZigZag

2010-01-17T12:27:00.003+08:00

"honk honk!!", went the taxi.

Scrambled Eggs: You're the honk.

Oatmeal: Heyy!

Scrambled Eggs: I didn't mean you, I meant the cab.

Oatmeal: Oh. Next time you must indicate who you're insulting.

Scrambled Eggs: Oh I'm sorry, I forgot the basic insult etiquettes.

Oatmeal: Haha. Step one: please indicate who you're insulting before the insult. Step two?

Scrambled Eggs: Haha. Step two: ...

I forgot what I said step two was.....Oatmeal, help? hahhaa.

Yesterday was just one of our zig-zagging ways

“I gotta keep you on your toes. When you think I'll zig I'll zag, then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag! Just to mess you up for the next time when I might zig!” - Lorelai

Dear dustbin, wear a cologne sometimes yeah?

crawling words made sentences which in turn made this post

2010-01-16T00:03:00.007+08:00

Exhausted, hungry, and frustrated that I haven't finished my proposal. Feel stupid for rearranging the furnitures in my room (mostly by myself) when I have finals to think about. Books books books..so many books. My room is an arsonist's favourite space. Why do I need to get into this funk? Whenever exam's around the corner, I'll start rearranging or reorganising things. I'm only half-done now. I moved the big bookcase to the other side of the room and some of the books are still on the floor. My sisters are soooo gonna be pissed at me tomorrow morning cos erm the books on the floor are theirs.

Anyway, I've been sitting at my table, exhausted, hungry and frustrated, and then I thought of him who in my dream caused flowers to bloom (NOT in that way, please eh. Actual flowers that literally bloomed and blossomed). Immediately I heard my then 5 year-old sister's voice in my head. Mom had told my sister to eat her lunch quickly and she responded with: "Don't rush me, man!" (she said Mr.Squarepants taught her that). So that voice got me thinking, what's the rush ey? Why do I always think in ultimatums? Why does it have to be now or never? All or nothing? Me or them?..I guess rushing is for fools, right Mr.Presley? If this is meant to be ("this" meaning you and me) send me a hello in an envelope sealed with a heartbeat, yeah?

I better refuel and start on this proposal project thing.. Initially I named it Youth Inc., but my friend informed me that that's taken. So for now, I call it Project LoveHumanity. Will talk about it more when things have been finalised.

Till then, do not blog when you have nothing to blog about. You'll end up publishing a post like this.

Love,

Manic low on sugar/caffeine.

Hey Love, I want you to know that my heart is in a jar no more. So come visit anytime you want.

2010-01-02T10:32:00.008+08:00

The night I tried to capture the lunar eclipse but failed. hehh

Please feel free to mock the drawings. hahhaa

2010-01-02T10:22:00.001+08:00

Lorelai II or Lorelai III?

2009-12-30T19:49:00.003+08:00

Hmm..it dawned on me that most of the time, my heart doesnt know what it wants, apparently neither does my brain. I realised this in between figuring out the answer to the question “what is pain?” (for my advanced health psych paper, stopping short of answering it with “it is what usually follows with an ‘ouch!’”), and watching Gilmore Girls (all those episodes I didn’t get to watch years ago..the same ones I forced Hazimah to fill me in the next day in school and boy was she precise!).

Anyway, I’m reminded of how much in love I was with Jess Mariano. Of course when Jess left and later became Peter Petrelli (yes, I’m talking about Milo), I was amused by Logan Huntzberger’s presence. Jess and Logan were alike tho..charming and witty..my kind of guy, right?

BUT THEN.. the 23 year old me started to watch the show with these 23 year old eyes and 23 year old mind and i realised....I no longer care for Jess nor Logan.. NOW.....it’s alllll abouuuut LUKE! Yes, Luke Danes..who would’ve thought right? Maybe it’s cos I’m getting old and I find the charm in how loyal and reliable Luke is. How he built Lorelai an ice-skating rink in front of her house just because she rambled on and on about how her "relationship" with snow (yes, snow like in winter) had turned ugly and that it was over, and sweet sweet Luke wanted to reconcile their "relationship". 1oo points for building the rink, another 100 points for listening to Lorelai rant about her “relationship” with the snow, and 1000 points for caring about Lorelai’s “relationship” with the snow.

So, see, my Heart may think it knows what it needs and my Mind may feel it knows what it wants, but both overlook their actual jobs and more importantly they overlook Time’s opinion.

Sit on the thought, I swear it makes sense. hehh.

Ok, that’s all. Enough references to the show.. Gonna go back to my assignment. Next question: “What is bereavement?” I am so so so tempted to write down “It is what causes or leads to ‘boo hoo hoo’”.

You are on loop in the player that is my mind.

2009-12-30T14:16:00.002+08:00

Hey Oatmeal,

Bob Dylan says that everything breaks or is broken, but he also said that the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. So hang in there..don't think twice, it's alright.

'e' to the 'm' to the 'o'

2009-12-29T01:08:00.002+08:00

How is it that i'm more sure of myself when i was 17 than i am now?

How is it that i broke my back for my friends at that age but only a handful is around to break their backs for me now?

What happened to I scratch your back and you scratch mine?

How is it that I pray for love to covet my heart yet when I see it coming, I run the other way?

How is it that I love Allah but I do so little to show Him my love?

How is it that when I think of the afterlife, I know where I'll end up yet do little to prevent it?

How is it that when I think of my future, I only see my career?

How is it that when I think about now, I think about you?

How is it that when I think about possibilities, I think about the person i thought i'd be by now?

Why is it that I chase after people who are chasing after others or dreams that are bigger than themselves?

Why can't I settle?

Why can't I just lie next to you, not a word, not a glance, just to watch our hearts on fire?

Where is my love lifejacket?

What should I do to get these questions out of my head?

"There I just said it, I'm scared you forget about me" - John Mayer (Edge of Desire)

"I've got a world of chances for you..chances that you're burning through" - Demi/John (World of Chances)

[Mr.Mayer is killing me with his voice and lyrics]

Even if you nip passion in the bud, it doesn't mean that it won't grow elsewhere in your heart.

2009-12-27T02:07:00.000+08:00

I am going to crawl into a hole now, buh-bye.

Subconscious Plagiarism

2009-12-27T01:15:00.013+08:00

WOWW. I CANT BELIEVE THIS.

A few months ago, someone i barely know rewrote something that i posted on my blog onto his/her blog. It was just some silly phrase that I used at the end of an entry. At that time I thought to myself, wow, give credit where it's due right? I mean, I've had people taking credit for my poems and pictures before. And I always wondered why people do that.

NOW, only NOW i realise that sometimes....just maaaybe sometimes, people do/write things without realising the origin of the idea........?

Sometimes humans mistake other people's ideas for their own, especially when they weren't paying enough attention the first time they come across the material....

What am i talking about?

Well............. APPARENTLY I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

I subconsciously took a friend's idea and turned it into my own. And pathetic me didn't even realise it until just now! wow. GAH.

I am so embarrassed and so sorry, you :s

The post comes down now.

This deserves another wow..................WOW.

So, there goes my theory once more...there are very few original ideas left in the world. What can I say, when I'm right, I'm right. But when I'm wrong, I couldn't be more wrong.

Can I be your Kay?

Kitchen Rants

2009-12-26T16:39:00.006+08:00

(My sis has a mark that looks like someone slit her)

Me: I did that to you, you know? when you were a kid. I was wondering what the insides of a person looked like. curious, you could call it that.

Sis: that's so mean! what kind of a sister are you. you cannot be trusted around a knife. (i was holding a knife at this moment)

Mom: No, she cannot be trusted around anything sharp, not just a knife.

Me: aaah, then I should stay away from my mind then?

Mom: I didnt say that

Me: har har har

Sis: she's the only one who thinks that

Mom: Go dry off the prawns. Dab them.

Me: wow prawns, you're so pampered. Grab a towel and help me.

Sis: yeah this prawns are getting quite a treatment even though they're dead. I mean if they're alive, it makes sense, but they're dead.

Me: yup royal treatment right here.. Hey, have you ever noticed that there are no prawns in Bikini Bottom?

Sis: yeah...Anchovies, but no prawns.

Me: yeah, crabs, but no prawns.

Sis: Squirrels, but no prawns!

Me: Sponges, but no prawns!

Mom: Starfishes, but no prawns

Sis: Whales, but no prawns!

Me: Planktons, but no prawns

Mom: Maybe the writers have something against prawns

Sis: But prawns are so nice!

Me: I dont think they choose their characters based on whether they're tasty or not..cos let's face it, sponges are not tasty..they cant be eaten

The End.

(p.s. i didnt slit her open when she was a kid. it was a joke. just in case it wasn't clear. haha)

It's unfortunate that you're my muse, but hey, a muse is a muse.

2009-12-20T21:51:00.003+08:00

Dear Iran,

I will come for you. Don't go anywhere.

Love,

Alice In The Overprotective Home.

2009-12-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'm looking at the same eyes but I'm seeing a different you.

2009-12-05T23:37:00.002+08:00

Dear Hermit, stop being a hermit!

Love,

Hermit In Denial.

2009-11-26T03:45:00.004+08:00

by the by....

Happy Birthday Oatmeal!!!!! :)

My favourite Oatmeal quote: "Conscientiousness is boring". hahaa. Love ya woman!

Television kills vision and imagination.

2009-11-26T03:43:00.002+08:00

Heroes + One Tree Hill + How I Met Your Mother + The Big Bang Theory + The New Adventures of Old Christine + Gary Unmarried + Glee + Wizards of The Waverly Place + Brothers & Sisters + Desperate Housewives + Ugly Betty + Cougar Town + Sonny With A Chance + Hannah Montana + J.O.N.A.S + It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia + The City + The Hills + 30 Rock + Grey's Anatomy + The Mentalist + Private Practice + The Office + Parks & Recreation + Jon & Kate Plus 8 + Gilmore Girls (re-runs)

Hi my name is Nomadic Soul, and I'm a TV-show addict. I'm a TV-junkie (even though I only watch National Geographic Channel on TV, the rest I watch online). That's a whole lot of TV shows.....wow. So I've been thinking about the things I want to do and I was wondering why I never got around doing them. And then it hit me. These TV shows are to blame! (yes, just go with the flow will ya? I'm in the first stage of Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief: denial).

When I think about who I want to be, I picture myself clad in a white flowing gown with flowers in my hair and everywhere surrounding me. I'd be barefoot, feeling the tickle of the greenest grass I'll ever see under my feet. These very grass, feed on my laugh, my smile, my grin. Louis Armstrong sings What A Wonderful World in the background. Then and only then will I dare say that I am a woman of passion. It's tedious to be self-aware and knock the "passive" out of yourself.

So, in order for me to do what I want to do and be who I want to be, I need need need to cut down on tv-time cos television is evillll. haha. I need to be more focused. I know I am capable of doing more, accomplishing more. I will not tolerate being told that I am not SuperWoman. I want to stop being a flake, cos let's face it, I'm a HUGE flake. If I get a dollar for each time I flaked, I'd be a millionaire by now! I need to move fast to the last stage of the Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief: acceptance. What exactly am I grieving about? My life.

Truly, there are only 6 shows that I care about: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, The Mentalist and Glee. Others I can spare so that I can focus on things that matter like the CIP proposal thing I've been trying to work out since before Ramadhan. We'll see. Hope I'll quit my tree-hopping tendencies sooner than later. amin insyaAllah.

You exist, but you are a myth. Beautiful, but a myth still.

faith

2009-11-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

I am so freaked out right now. And the fact that I've been reading on cases of void deck and lift robberies and molestations yesterday isn't helping. I'm so so freaked out.

Every night on my way home, I would doa for protection and as I approach the lift, I would take out my keys, place a key in between the fingers of my right hand and I would clench my fist so that the keys will be jutting out. That, I call my weapon.

I was waiting for the lift when I saw a man on my far right just standing there..looking suspicious. It was then that I remembered to take out my keys. The lift reached the first floor, I went in, and suddenly this guy from my left went in with me. For a second, I contemplated getting off, but decided against it. He didn't look familiar, and suspicion grew when he hesitated to press the button. Nine, he pressed. Nine, two and four were lit. I had accidentally pressed two because I was startled by his sudden presence.

The door closed, and he asked me in broken english, "you tamil ka?". "No," I muttered. We reached the 2nd floor and he waited for me to leave, even gestured for me to go out. I pressed the close button and readjusted my "weapon". He asked, "you home from job?". "Ha," I said, not even paying attention to the question, trying to figure out how to go on about upon reaching the 4th floor. Door opened and I rushed out. I sensed that he stayed in the lift, so I paused at the staircase, turned back, and saw that the lift had gone up. I paused for two reasons: 1) to be ready in case he attacks, 2) to not give him a clue as to which house is my home.

I should tell you here that I live on the 5th floor. In order for me to get to the 5th floor, I need to alight on the 4th or the 6th. In other words, if I face my door and look to my upper left, I can see the 6th floor lift landing, whereas if my adjacent neighbour look to his right, he can see the 4th floor lift landing. So there I was, relieved that the man didn't get off with me, yet anxious to open the gate leading to the safety of my home. Before I opened the gate, I looked to my left to see if the lift had reached the 9th floor.....instead, the lift door was open and the man was still standing in the lift looking at me while pressing the buttons as if to manipulate it or somesort! (cos the door was halfway opening and closing). IT WAS EFFING CREEPY!! He was looking at me! I'm extremely freaked out cos he now knows exactly where I live! It doesn't help that I reach home close to 11 every night! Anyway, before I went into the house, I noticed that arrow on the lift was pointing downwards, meaning he was going down! A few seconds later I checked again and the lift was definitely on the first floor. I mean, if he really does live on the 9th floor, he would've gotten off yes?

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah I'm home safe. Praise Allah for my safety. I will sujud shukur. Tomorrow I have class till 10 again. Can you guys pray for my safety too? Mom said that I should call her once I get off the bus so that she can pick me up or something of that manner.

I'm still a bit shaken. Maybe it's paranoia, but come on, I don't have any other explanation for the guy's behaviour. While trying to recall tonight's event, I was sure that unlike any other nights, tonight, I didn't recite doa while on my way home. However, after thinking about it over and over again, I realised that I did indeed recite doa when I encountered a few men sitting at the playground earlier in my journey home. I have faith that I'm safe because I sought protection, and Allah provided it. It's the power of faith, yes? Oh Allah, I am not just a nobody without You, I am indeed nothing.

Till then, don't forget your prayers kids. Love Allah the way He loves you and the way He lets others love you.

Life is too short to play games, so I let go of the rung you tossed me. It's just you and your snakes and rungs now.

2009-11-12T12:39:00.002+08:00

Me at Pri5 (was walking home frm tuition and mom's friends saw me in my "outside school" clothes)

Mom's Friend #1: Eh tu anak rahma ke tu? Tapi dia nampak kecil.

Mom's Friend #2: Kalau yang jalan sambil baca buku tu anak rahma la tu.

hahaa.. i miss those days when my world is just the book and me. This came up while Mom and I were reminiscing about my "budak nakal" phase. hahaa.

Life and I don't fist-bump no more. (On fist-bump hiatus)

2009-11-05T23:53:00.007+08:00

"I'm done". Words made famous by Kate Gosselin.

So am I. Done. But am I really? What does it mean to be "done" with one aspect of your life. Isn't that quitting? Isn't that denying Life to carry out its duties? Doesn't Hardship have a say? Doesn't Sweat deserve the chance to thank Opportunity for its freedom?

Grew tired of philosophizing while philosophizing. That's it, I'm done with this post. Irony is my forte. So is idiocy, but that's another story for another time.

Till then, feel free to lie to yourself when necessary. There's nothing quite like getting in a cat fight with the mirror.

I swear you're perfect.

"crapstorm"

2009-11-02T02:51:00.006+08:00

It looks like I am not qualified for hons. I can say, "it's ok". I can say, "peaches, you have one more sem to kick that butt Wilhelm, Freud and gang started". I can say, "there might still be hope for hons". I can say, "just keep believing and take on the spirit of the bees!".

BUT

I won't.

I'm really tired of feeling like I'm above it all. Exhausted from not walking the talk. Right now, I just want to be. Yes, just be. BE.

Till then, when someone asks you, "who da man??" You say, "what man?"

toodles~

The Glass Message In The Paper Bottle.

2009-11-02T02:05:00.003+08:00

If you haven't met someone who's scared of losing her cynicism, well, meet ME.

Twenty-Three :)

2009-10-15T15:07:00.007+08:00

Blood is rushing to my head right now. High on adrenaline. Wait, does that even make any sense? Yes, yes it doth (to me). Well, i've been trying out Billy Blanks' Tae Bo for a while now. (here's the link, in case you, like me, are lazy to go out running or go to the gym:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP-ADSVstD0). Anyway, today I managed to do ALL 5/5 parts! Usually I'm dead by the end of the 3rd part. hahh. So as I said on me twitter, "the 23 yr-old me rocks!" (Esbyze, 2009). hehe.

You know what's really perfect about today? It's rainning. I love rain. It's so nice and cool :) As I'm typing this, once again, I come to the realisation that the best gifts are from Allah, yes? :)

I've been thinking lately, that if I were to die at 40 yrs-old, right now, today, is half my life! Well, almost half. Darn the odd number! haha. But of course, i know i might die in the next second.......any time God wills. I'm still the same person wanting to do more yet doing the same mundane things. OH OH, as i'm typing this, I found a great quote:

"the secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new" - OrganicJar (2009).

In case you didn't notice, I'm really into in-text referencing these days. haha. Influenced by BeJe (Belot + Jelot).

Anyway, I'm still waiting for my Snow Leopard to arrive. I'm excited! I wanna see if the new version of Mail is better than my Postbox demo. Stoked! Gosh..I'm becoming a geek aren't I? Geek Chic. I'm still wondering if I should tutor or not..I already cancelled yesterday. hmm. Depends on if anyone's home to receive the package I guess. Wooo Snowwy Leo! haha.

Wanted to go get a pedicure for the first time today, but the place I wanted to go to no longer offer pedicure services. Bummer.

To sum it all up, today's been good :) Happy birthday, me ;)

(Yes, I'm winking at myself. I need an I-Hug-Me jacket, aka, the straight jacket. geddit geddit? hahhaa. my tutor made that joke!)

Till then, remember that Peace and Love are BFFs, so be nice to both ;)

Hey, remember that time I pulled you out of the well? Yeah..Good times. Goood times.

2009-10-14T14:05:00.009+08:00

Found this while deleting some emails:

A girl went to her friends house and she ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived only a few blocks away.As she walked along under the bike trail Amina asked ALLAH to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to recite a dua, asking for ALLAH’S protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been killed in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking ALLAH for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked AMINA for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Amina was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, 'Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her. Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're not alone. (people) will not stand up for ALLAH.......

The End.

Stolen Times. (I is the stealer of time).

2009-10-13T02:09:00.006+08:00

Things I haven't done in a long time:

1. Swim.

Yes, I miss swimming. I especially miss going to the pool at Arabiah. Small, but cosy :) Needless to say, I miss going to the pool with SyaLot....

2. Randomly giving/receiving chocolates.

Back in Maarif, I remember my friends and I would give each other chocs as a way to say sorry or thanks or sometimes just for fun (no apparent reason). Famous choc giveaway: Ferrero Rocher, and Kinder Bueno :)

3. Read books just cos it's fun to.

Before I started in JCU, my NUS friends were saying how much reading they had to do and how anal it was etc. I remember I was like "but reading is fun!". But now? Now I go, "why do these people write so much?? GET TO THE POINT DUDE!". Yup, pretty much that. Not helping my short attention-span problem.

4. Look up new words to add to my poor collection of vocabulary.

That's right, I now am heavily reliant on words like "like", "awesome", and "cool" to string and also end my sentences. If you're a non-believer scroll downnn. haha.

5. Write a poem.

This, I'm saddest about. It seems that poetry was the product of my hurt, anger, sadness and disappointment. Seems so much easier to lose myself in the intensity of the pain as compared to losing myself in joy. On a brighter note, me not writing poems equates to me not feeling so much hurt, anger, sadness and disappointment. So, yeay me!

6. Write in my diary.

Got nothing much going in my life.

7. Go out to take pics with my camera.

My camera, Eden, lives a widow's life.

8. Hang out with old friends (ofc!)

I want want want to do all these things. Have only 11 days left before school starts :S

Hope to hang out with friends soon..OATMEAL, soonish? :)

Till then,

love Love cos Love might love you back.

"Miss" is the product of recalling misplaced time.

"Schooling" School.

2009-09-29T08:29:00.004+08:00

I can't wait for exams to be over, so that I can do what I truly want to do. Focus on the things that matter. Yes, I said it. It's not that school doesn't matter, it's just that sometimes I feel that my school work is holding me back from doing what I truly care about or has a potential to be good at (as we all know I'm not a great student). I know, I know, education is important, without it I wouldn't have known as much as I do now. I get it and I acknowledge it. However, I still can't help feeling like my life is stagnant! And the fact that I'm not great at multi-tasking just makes the whole situation worse. I want to do more. I want to do SO much more! *sigh*

1 paper left. Guess I need to focus on that.

Till then, rock happiness out, peeps.

Love,

Seeker.

2009-09-24T12:15:00.001+08:00

feel like i'm stuck in a rut. gah.

2009-09-23T12:59:00.002+08:00

finally updated my links.

l + o + v + e = punctuations

2009-09-22T12:08:00.005+08:00

why do we shame love so?

what has love done to be disregarded and labelled "infatuation"?

which of love's corners do we resent?

why do we assume that love has corners?

why do we feel victimised by love when it's the lover that victimised us?

love never claims that it's perfect

love never promised that it will always be there to hold our hands

so, what is it about love that we love and love to hate?

love is too complex to have a conclusion.

i shall respect its nature enough to leave this post unpolished and unfinished.

Love,

Love's Advocate/Attorney.

basyalot

2009-09-10T16:51:00.000+08:00

My first post from me MacBook Pro :)

So far, life is good. Need a lil more introspection since the NEO-PIR assessment suggested that I'm low on conscientiousness.

Besah, don't know if you read this or even that you go online anymore, but i just wanna let you know that we all miss you. If you ever have doubts on what you mean to others, just remember this moment..the number of smses you received, the messages on facebook, the "i miss sya" jeje and i tweeted, people asking me how you were, and many other things..we love you besah..take care. hope to see you soon insyaAllah..

-Your Tukya.

***[ Journeys Of A Nomadic Soul ]***

A Letter To My Potential Self

April Ludgate's wedding vows

All about Dynamic Views for Readers - Blogger Help

A friend emailed me this. Once again, let's polish our akhlaq :)

This has an ending.

Two-Timing 'Failure' & 'Success'.

Stealing is a crime. Intellectual-theft included.

Feeling spiritually naked. MashaAllah. I miss You ya Allah...

I am the girl with a shovel sewn into her palm.

Aaaaand we're back to being coatracks.

Billie Jean complex - squashed

allow me to freak out.

24 + 1

I Am Going To Love Reading For Nothing But Pleasure Once Again. Psych Journals Prepare To Take The Backseat.

When the Book wrote me a letter.

Wo لم mahu shaadi yet.

Happy New Year, Soul!

The Heart Is A Chicken

you, you and you.

"Time Tested Beauty Tips"

Sleep-Living

Un-grey me if you can.

Will you entertain my questions just this one time?

whattodo, whattodo?

in the name of cynicism.

Tidying up the Mind, Body & Soul. (maybe)

Heart, the mediator.

The simplicity of this message kills..

Blink At Your Own Risk.

No skills, no frills, no thrills.

When the Experiment outsmarts the Experimenter, clouds laugh.

3 Tales of 3 Somebodies/Nobodies In My Life

My Amateur Attempt To Get Back To Poetry Writing.

Playground Poem

Don't Rain On My Parade

Words don’t talk, they act.

His name is Boonaa.

Oh if only words can talk.

Truth Schmruth

I have a thing for punctuations.

I Am Tabula Rasa -ish

I need a distraction, so tag, you’re it!

ZigZag

crawling words made sentences which in turn made this post

Please feel free to mock the drawings. hahhaa

Lorelai II or Lorelai III?

'e' to the 'm' to the 'o'

Subconscious Plagiarism

Kitchen Rants

Television kills vision and imagination.

faith

Life and I don't fist-bump no more. (On fist-bump hiatus)

"crapstorm"

The Glass Message In The Paper Bottle.

Twenty-Three :)

Stolen Times. (I is the stealer of time).

"Schooling" School.

l + o + v + e = punctuations

basyalot

[ Journeys Of A Nomadic Soul ]